It’s not easy for me to put some trust on someone else.. But it’s easy for me to make friends with anyone.. Previously I have a split thinking.. Whether to be silent and hard-hearted or talkative and cheery.. Maybe because of the environment and people.. Being a good person will not ensure people will respect and love us and being a bad person for sure will be hate by others.. I’m confused to choose either one between these two things.. Is it necessary to seek revenge to people who betrayed or do something rubbish to me? I’m about to be into this circumstance but suddenly other ‘echo’ seems crossing through my hearing.. No, I can’t do that no matter how bad you have been treated.. Remember your feature; Neutral. It means I have to be neutral with all.. But I asked myself.. Will people appreciate that sense? And what if I will be treated badly again and again later on? I’m also a normal human being that sometimes can’t prevent the feeling of angry, discontent and dissatisfied.. I just want to be close with all persons.. Yet, repeatedly being blamed.. Try to be the happiest one in the world, but still have tears..
Before this I used to remind myself, I will not love friends or anyone more than my family.. I don’t want to be loved, touched and even approached and nobody can be able to know about my own.. I want to be isolated, never trust people..
After I grow older, there are many things that opened my senses.. I start to evaluate every experience, try to influence and sometimes to be influenced by others especially from those who are really close with me.. And I have the real value in this life.. The initial principe of being neutral should be kept up.. No matter whether it will hurt me or not..Life is not easy for us actually.. We’re not perfect and can’t expect people to be perfect as well.. So, accept yourself as you are and others as they are.. At this point, I want to delete any unwanted memory.. Erase them permanently.. Polishing the real me until nobody can be able to dumb me easily..